A Very, Very Bad Thing by Jeffery Self

Author:Jeffery Self
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Scholastic Inc.
Published: 2017-11-23T05:00:00+00:00

Dear Marley,

By the time you get this, I’ll be at yet another counseling “retreat” run by my father’s colleagues. Isn’t that a hilarious word for a place that attempts to brainwash kids into not being gay? Retreat. Picture a spa but instead of deck chairs and cucumber facials, it’s twelve hours of Bible study and processed food.

I’m writing you this for two reasons. First and foremost, to tell you I’m sorry for what happened at the dance. I lost my temper. I was so happy that night, so excited that we’d pulled off getting to a school dance together, so relieved to have won in the ongoing game against my parents … that when that kid said those stupid things, I lost it.

I’m so sick of fighting, whether it’s my parents and their friends or idiots at school or politicians in the news. I’m over it. And I guess I hit my breaking point. Like I said, I’m sorry I ruined what up until then had been a really special night.

The second reason I’m writing is a bit more complicated. I’m over it, Marley. I do a good enough job of pretending I’m not fazed, but I am so over fighting my parents to accept me for who I am. The reality is that I’m just going to have to keep fighting for the rest of my life or until I give up and they win. Up until I met you, I thought I might let that happen, but not anymore. I’m done. I’m going to run away and I wanted you to know about it because I don’t want to lose contact with you. I’m going to leave the camp Friday night—and I’m not coming back home.

I hope you’re rolling your eyes at my dramatics because I certainly am, but I guess I just want to disappear from these people’s lives for good, and running away feels like the only option. This isn’t coming out of nowhere for me, as it’s something I’ve thought of doing for a long time; I’ve just been too scared. All I’ve ever wanted in life is to make a difference so that kids going through the crap I’ve been through don’t have to go through it anymore. I used to think I could fight but now all I want is to be free. I want to be happy and to live my life out in the open and not under some evangelical microscope of disapproval.

I am not sure where I will go. Maybe take a train to New York? Or a bus out west to California? What I’m asking from you is a ride to the bus or train station … and, most importantly, a chance to say good-bye.

So if you don’t think I’m totally insane (or even if you do), meet me Friday night with your car, at the address below, at eleven p.m. That’s late enough that everyone will be asleep and so I can sneak over the fence without getting caught.

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